I Hate It !

Aiya... if you dunno how to handle or dun want to be with me , don't give hope la ! Really really waste my time you know ?? Every day I stare at my phone waiting for your What's app like an idiot . I know it's my fault and it's my stupidity , anyway , I also don't blame you . I just hate my self sometimes for being so stupid . I already remind my self not to fall too deep , but I dunno why , out of my control , my heart keeps falling for you every day . Stupid stupid stupid . I know , love is blind but besides , love also makes people become stupid , can't think properly also . Love is not logic , but love also can make people become honest of them self , also love never lie .
I think , I just need to do my best , whatever happen next , I don't care . At least , I already done my best . I can't force him to like me also , because feeling can't be forced . True feeling must be naturally happened .
Oh damn , when can I quit this strange feeling ? I really hate uncertainty .
I also will hate him so damn much if he only play play with my feeling , I also have no idea about what's his purpose if he only play play with me . I thought last time his ex also played his feeling , I thought he must understood already how does it feel like when your feeling is played ?
Hmmm ok la , I don't care also . Life must go on mah . Lucky I'm not so idiot like what any girls do when got guy play their feeling , suicide . What the hell man ? My life is too beautiful to be ended by suicide .
Every time he asked me from What's app at around 12.00 AM plus why I'm not asleep or something . OMG , of course waiting for your message lor !! Aiyoh , so difficult to understand meh ??
Is it so difficult also to understand that behind my saying "Hmm okay" there's something that's not okay sometimes ? Like when you said you can't hang out this week coz you're busy ?
Okay , I understand , you're busy , I do understand about that , but please do understand about my feeling as well !
Well , if you ask me whether I hate you or no , my answer is no , I don't hate you , but I miss you . I miss the old of us , when we often talked to each other , I miss the moment when you're not too busy . Maybe in front of you , I can be a good enough actress , hiding my sadness , but my heart is too stupid to be an actress . I still remember , it's like three times or more than it my classmate asked me "Are you okay ?" I was quite shocked hearing that question . I really thought that there's nothing wrong with me . Then I realized that it's my heart that's not right , not my mind . Oh God , I think my heart is really sick till my face expression also can't hide it . Ya , I do look sad lately ?
Hmmm , should I go to NAFA Vertigo party to forget my sadness for a while ? Zouk man ! I want to go actually , but none of my close friends are going . So , ya , no choice , stay home and do your stuffs , Josephine !