Sometimes , I regret to be born as a Chinese in Indonesia . If I could have chosen , I would have chosen to be born in China or maybe Singapore or Malaysia . At least , I could still find my identity there .
Here as Indo - Chinese . Sometimes I feel like loosing my identity . Who am I actually ? Am I Chinese ? Or am I Indonesian ? If I say that I'm Chinese , people will believe , but when they speak to me in Chinese , I'm so screwed . Then when I say that I'm Indonesian , people will be wondering , Chinese face , doesn't have Indonesian look , how come I'm Indonesian ? Then I will need to show my IC or my passport , to prove that I'm Indonesian .
Then here in Indonesia , some Indonesians , they still never accept us , Chinese people , as the part of Indonesian people . Last time I heard some Indonesian shouted at a Chinese "You better go back to your country ! Don't ever come to Indonesia ! Such a jinx "
Then I started thinking , go back to my country arh ? Where's my country ? China already thought that we're all Indonesians , not Chinese anymore . So confusing . Who am I ??
Though my family still call me with Chinese name , and my bf still consider me as a Chinese , but other than that , I feel like ... Who am I ?
I can barely speak Chinese too . I'm sure my ancestors there will be crying seeing me as a Chinese but can't speak Chinese .
It's because of idiot rules in Indonesia . Chinese is forbidden . So learning Chinese is limited in family only . Though got some school and courses teaching Chinese . But still ...
My bf also asked me learn Chinese . He can speak , he's Singaporean , and here I am . I can't speak Chinese that well . I know that there's no late for learning . But still , in my age , if I were born in China or Singapore or Malaysia , I'd be able to speak Chinese well .
Hmmm loosing identity .
Some more the culture .
No offense but most people here isn't open minded , included the Chinese . That makes me feel sick and tired .
Well
It's all about identity . It's ashamed actually , most Indo Chinese can't speak Chinese , like all over the world already notice that .
30 Jun 2013
28 Jun 2013
If I Was Twins
Can't imagine if I was twins . It must be interesting if I had twin sister . Then we could exchange school . Did shopping together . Then slept in the same room , shared clothes , shared everything together . Whoa , sounds amazing ! One thing we could not do if I had twin sister , sharing bf . Lol
Crazy . It's just that our bf must realize which one is me and which one is my twin . Lol
What if I had a male twin ?
My mom said that if a married couple got a boy and girl twin , they must separate them . Maybe the boy got adopted by another family or the girl one got adopted . Then I asked why ?
Then she said "Well , coz that means , they're love mate already . It's meant to be . They'll get married in future , according to Javanese belief . So in future , both family will make them meet each other , to match them "
"Really ? Why must separate ? Not staying in the same house ?"
Then my mum asked me "Would you want to marry your own brother ?"
"No , but I thought that if they're married then they have kids , their kids will be having any disorder ? As in they're born from the same mother ? "
She said ,"No la , God planned them already , that's why ..."
Hmmm
But I'm not twins .
Lol
I just want my love mate is someone ,,, out there , whom I'm in relationship with at the moment ...
26 Jun 2013
Lover These Days
You know ? When my mom showed me my cousins's blackberry messenger account , I was quite surprised . She's still 10 , still in primary 5 , and her status on that BBM already like wah ! Crazy , already talked about love sia . Her status is always like : I love you , broken heart , he's cute , etc .
I was like wah Liao , you understand about love meh ?? Still a kid .
Back in my days , when I was her age , I only thought about school and cartoon movies or my Barbie dolls . No love . I don't care about love . Though I still remember that time I got two guys liked me . Then I never bothered about them at all . Just concentrated on my study .
You know ? What she watches at home are those kinds of Korean drama , the love movies , etc . No wonder her mindset is already like that . Though maybe her crush won't ever think about love . Trust me , guys on age 10 will just think about play play and play .
Not just my cousins . Looking at other primary school students also already like that .
Can't imagine if in future I have kids . Maybe one day when they're 7 already bring lover home , and intro to me and my husband . Wah Liao . That will really shock me sia .
You know ? Even now when I'm 19 , I do still don't understand about love , how come kids like her understand about love ?
I was like wah Liao , you understand about love meh ?? Still a kid .
Back in my days , when I was her age , I only thought about school and cartoon movies or my Barbie dolls . No love . I don't care about love . Though I still remember that time I got two guys liked me . Then I never bothered about them at all . Just concentrated on my study .
You know ? What she watches at home are those kinds of Korean drama , the love movies , etc . No wonder her mindset is already like that . Though maybe her crush won't ever think about love . Trust me , guys on age 10 will just think about play play and play .
Not just my cousins . Looking at other primary school students also already like that .
Can't imagine if in future I have kids . Maybe one day when they're 7 already bring lover home , and intro to me and my husband . Wah Liao . That will really shock me sia .
You know ? Even now when I'm 19 , I do still don't understand about love , how come kids like her understand about love ?
25 Jun 2013
Sick
This thing , I really don't understand why . I always fall sick every holiday .
I always change everytime I fall sick . No more talkative me . I'll be so damn quiet (in real life , not in text ) . Dunno why , have no intention of talking to people around me . Except texting , coz it won't involve my mouth .
The funny thing is when I'm not sick and talk a lot , my friends will be like oh shut up !! But when I'm sick , they ask whether I'm okay or no . Haha
I hate this condition actually . Feel like I'm very weak . I just don't want to be hospitalized . I hate being infused . So damn painful . I know that although I never got infused before .
It's just a normal flu , no need to bring me to hospital .
Then I'll be like no appetite . Feel like no foods are delicious . Then as soon as I'm recovered , I'll eat like normal people again .
Well , I do really hate being sick .
I always change everytime I fall sick . No more talkative me . I'll be so damn quiet (in real life , not in text ) . Dunno why , have no intention of talking to people around me . Except texting , coz it won't involve my mouth .
The funny thing is when I'm not sick and talk a lot , my friends will be like oh shut up !! But when I'm sick , they ask whether I'm okay or no . Haha
I hate this condition actually . Feel like I'm very weak . I just don't want to be hospitalized . I hate being infused . So damn painful . I know that although I never got infused before .
It's just a normal flu , no need to bring me to hospital .
Then I'll be like no appetite . Feel like no foods are delicious . Then as soon as I'm recovered , I'll eat like normal people again .
Well , I do really hate being sick .
24 Jun 2013
Backstreet
Well ... Just now my best friend aka FB "girlfriend" messaged me on FB . She asked me ,"So we don't need to break up ?"
Then I replied "Don't break up ..."
She asked again ,"Why ? I thought you had him already ?"
Then I said ,"Ya , problem is he still doesn't want to put relationship status on FB ..."
"Why ? Hmmm poor of you ... Whereas , you already 2 months plus with him . I'm still new with him , just been together started from June 13th ... "
I said "Well ... It's ok , not important thing . Lets just put my status as relationship with you . Unless you want to change yours with him ?"
"No , don't ! My relationship is backstreet . Nobody knows except few people . My parents still doesn't allow me to have bf . Later my sis know , I'm dead ."
Then I asked "Why backstreet ?"
"Well... My parents never agreed of me having bf with different religion . He's a Christiant . I'm catholic ."
Hmmm ... Well , just try la . Coz true love will never care about religion , age , nationality , race , etc . It's love and that's it . Most importantly , a true love can't be forced . It must be pure from our heart , willing to love someone . Lucky my parents never forbid me to have a relationship with guy who got different religion .
Well ... Backstreet huh ? That made me remember about my first time having bf also backstreet . Lol coz of different race and my parents strictly forbid me to date a guy from different race , dunno why also .
I still remember how my best friend asked me about how it feels to have bf . Since she nv had bf and that time I was still in a relationship with my second ex , that psycho ex .
Lol , then I told her that it's annoying . Hahaha and she was so confused . Annoying ? How come annoying ? Thought everyone likes being in a relationship ?
Well maybe coz that time I got someone wrong as my bf . Psycho . Can't stop contacting me or what . Once I nv reply for like 30 mins , already got "text" attack from him or a call . Please la , I got homeworks also .
Well now you know la how it feels to have bf . Hahaha . It will feel beautiful if you date the right person , but feels like killing your self if you date a psycho . Lol
Then I replied "Don't break up ..."
She asked again ,"Why ? I thought you had him already ?"
Then I said ,"Ya , problem is he still doesn't want to put relationship status on FB ..."
"Why ? Hmmm poor of you ... Whereas , you already 2 months plus with him . I'm still new with him , just been together started from June 13th ... "
I said "Well ... It's ok , not important thing . Lets just put my status as relationship with you . Unless you want to change yours with him ?"
"No , don't ! My relationship is backstreet . Nobody knows except few people . My parents still doesn't allow me to have bf . Later my sis know , I'm dead ."
Then I asked "Why backstreet ?"
"Well... My parents never agreed of me having bf with different religion . He's a Christiant . I'm catholic ."
Hmmm ... Well , just try la . Coz true love will never care about religion , age , nationality , race , etc . It's love and that's it . Most importantly , a true love can't be forced . It must be pure from our heart , willing to love someone . Lucky my parents never forbid me to have a relationship with guy who got different religion .
Well ... Backstreet huh ? That made me remember about my first time having bf also backstreet . Lol coz of different race and my parents strictly forbid me to date a guy from different race , dunno why also .
I still remember how my best friend asked me about how it feels to have bf . Since she nv had bf and that time I was still in a relationship with my second ex , that psycho ex .
Lol , then I told her that it's annoying . Hahaha and she was so confused . Annoying ? How come annoying ? Thought everyone likes being in a relationship ?
Well maybe coz that time I got someone wrong as my bf . Psycho . Can't stop contacting me or what . Once I nv reply for like 30 mins , already got "text" attack from him or a call . Please la , I got homeworks also .
Well now you know la how it feels to have bf . Hahaha . It will feel beautiful if you date the right person , but feels like killing your self if you date a psycho . Lol
23 Jun 2013
Roommate
Well , as you read on my post title . In this post , I'm gonna talk about my roommates in my hostel . Started from my very first roommate till my current roommate . I also gonna talk about some hostel mates and house mates that I know .
1. My first roommate is the my current roommate now in my new hostel . Never guessed before , she moved to this hostel then now I'm in the same room again with me after separated for some months . Her name is Evelyn , she's from Myanmar . She was born in the same month and same date with me , same year also . Like twins sia . Lol . We have some similar characteristics as well . Like for example , like listening to music while traveling to somewhere , then we're super quiet in our room . I only talk when I need to talk to her and she only talks when she needs to talk to me . We like watching movies on our laptops as well . She's nice , kind , and not that type of 'strange' roommate . I was staying in Hill Lodge hostel at Mount Vernon Road , Bartley .
2. My second roommate was a German girl , her name is Ann Christine Bütler . It was only a week I was in the same room with her , coz she chose to be in the same room with another European named Karin from Switzerland .
3. My third roommate was Amarsaikan Davadulam or for short I called her Dabaha . She's from Mongolia . She was the first person I met in that hostel and helped me carrying my luggage inside my room . She came to Singapore to study English during her summer holiday . She's actually a student in a uni in Shen Zhen , China . She's one year older than me and the best roommate I have ever had . She's already like my own 姐姐 . She can speak in 4 languages . Mongolian , Chinese , Russian , and English . I cried on the day she left Singapore . I miss her a lot .
4. My fourth roommate was Xiao Bai . She's from Shanghai . She used a lot of pimple medication . Wah Liao , every time I went back from school , my room was so smelly . Some more , she liked turning off the aircon .
5. My fifth roommate was Jie Lu aka Jessi . She's from China . She studied at Kaplan . She often asked me to teach her English , then I learned Chinese a bit , from her . She's 4 years older than me and nice .
6. My current roommate was my first roommate . I currently stay in a hostel in Carlisle Road , Novena .
House mates :
1. Jessica . The first Indonesian house mate that I met . We stayed in the same unit in that hostel . She's from Pekanbaru - Riau , Indonesia . She stayed in Malaysia for 4 years before . She's nice and super friendly . She came to Singapore to study her A- level . She's in the same age with me . She's the one who taught me how to take MRT . We're still best friends till now . Although she stays in different place now .
2. Stephine . She was Jessica's roommate from Guang Zhao . What I remember about her was she always talked out loud inside her room . Then that made Jessica often escaped to my room to study since her roommate always talked out loud with her family in China .
3. Srishti . She's from New Delhi , India . She's also my classmate . She's nice , friendly , and often asks for my help . I also often talk to her about my feeling . Haha you know what I mean la . Love love love . Hahaha , to me , she's a good listener and well experienced in love .
4. Runa . She's from Japan . She was an exchange student at SMU . Once I brought her for window shopping to Bugis .
5. Lydia , Rong Kai , and Justin . My Malaysian hostel mates . They're crazy . Good jokers .
6. Jenna . She's from Russia . She damn looks like a guy . So quiet but nice .
1. My first roommate is the my current roommate now in my new hostel . Never guessed before , she moved to this hostel then now I'm in the same room again with me after separated for some months . Her name is Evelyn , she's from Myanmar . She was born in the same month and same date with me , same year also . Like twins sia . Lol . We have some similar characteristics as well . Like for example , like listening to music while traveling to somewhere , then we're super quiet in our room . I only talk when I need to talk to her and she only talks when she needs to talk to me . We like watching movies on our laptops as well . She's nice , kind , and not that type of 'strange' roommate . I was staying in Hill Lodge hostel at Mount Vernon Road , Bartley .
2. My second roommate was a German girl , her name is Ann Christine Bütler . It was only a week I was in the same room with her , coz she chose to be in the same room with another European named Karin from Switzerland .
3. My third roommate was Amarsaikan Davadulam or for short I called her Dabaha . She's from Mongolia . She was the first person I met in that hostel and helped me carrying my luggage inside my room . She came to Singapore to study English during her summer holiday . She's actually a student in a uni in Shen Zhen , China . She's one year older than me and the best roommate I have ever had . She's already like my own 姐姐 . She can speak in 4 languages . Mongolian , Chinese , Russian , and English . I cried on the day she left Singapore . I miss her a lot .
4. My fourth roommate was Xiao Bai . She's from Shanghai . She used a lot of pimple medication . Wah Liao , every time I went back from school , my room was so smelly . Some more , she liked turning off the aircon .
5. My fifth roommate was Jie Lu aka Jessi . She's from China . She studied at Kaplan . She often asked me to teach her English , then I learned Chinese a bit , from her . She's 4 years older than me and nice .
6. My current roommate was my first roommate . I currently stay in a hostel in Carlisle Road , Novena .
House mates :
1. Jessica . The first Indonesian house mate that I met . We stayed in the same unit in that hostel . She's from Pekanbaru - Riau , Indonesia . She stayed in Malaysia for 4 years before . She's nice and super friendly . She came to Singapore to study her A- level . She's in the same age with me . She's the one who taught me how to take MRT . We're still best friends till now . Although she stays in different place now .
2. Stephine . She was Jessica's roommate from Guang Zhao . What I remember about her was she always talked out loud inside her room . Then that made Jessica often escaped to my room to study since her roommate always talked out loud with her family in China .
3. Srishti . She's from New Delhi , India . She's also my classmate . She's nice , friendly , and often asks for my help . I also often talk to her about my feeling . Haha you know what I mean la . Love love love . Hahaha , to me , she's a good listener and well experienced in love .
4. Runa . She's from Japan . She was an exchange student at SMU . Once I brought her for window shopping to Bugis .
5. Lydia , Rong Kai , and Justin . My Malaysian hostel mates . They're crazy . Good jokers .
6. Jenna . She's from Russia . She damn looks like a guy . So quiet but nice .
22 Jun 2013
Talking About Marriage with Best Friend
Dunno how but suddenly I remember last time I got talk about future marriage with my best friend . It's so funny how we planned about our future marriages . We both have different concepts . Like for example , mine , I planned to have that kind of marriage , just like normal marriage that my family did . That kind of Chinese marriage la . Haha , simple , since I'm a Chinese descendant . Then my best friend got different view about it , although she's a Chinese too .
Her : I want to wear shiro muku in my wedding , that Japanese wedding gown
Me : Hmmm will happen if you marry a Japanese man ...
Her : Not really , it's just that my husband and his family must agree with what I want .
Me : I don't think my future husband will allow me to wear Japanese wedding gown aka shiro muku .
Her : That's yours , not mine .
Me : and I don't think my future parents in law will allow me to wear shiro muku .
Her : Well , like I said , that's yours , not mine .
Me : We will have to wear Cheongsam , I guess ?
Her : No , I won't . If not shiro muku then I'll wear the tuxedo , then my husband will wear the wedding gown !
Me : Really ? Is that even legal ??
Her : Yup ! There's no rule about this kind of thing right ?
Me : Oh , that's interesting ! I dun need to wear gown ? Should I ask my future husband about this ??
Her : Go ask lor !
Me : But wait a minute , I think if I do that , everyone will murder me , include my husband .
Her : Well , then that doesn't matter to me , haha I'll find a husband who is crazy about Japan too , so we both can wear Japanese wedding outfit .
Me : Hmmm well , go ahead then , haha unique idea of yours anyway .
Crazy . This best friend , I know she's crazy about Japanese stuffs , anime , Japanese language , etc .
Then she got unique ideas as always . We met in high school , when we started our second year . I was in the same class with her . First time I met her , it was nothing special , just that after we talked then we found some things in common . So then we became best friends .
Her : I want to wear shiro muku in my wedding , that Japanese wedding gown
Me : Hmmm will happen if you marry a Japanese man ...
Her : Not really , it's just that my husband and his family must agree with what I want .
Me : I don't think my future husband will allow me to wear Japanese wedding gown aka shiro muku .
Her : That's yours , not mine .
Me : and I don't think my future parents in law will allow me to wear shiro muku .
Her : Well , like I said , that's yours , not mine .
Me : We will have to wear Cheongsam , I guess ?
Her : No , I won't . If not shiro muku then I'll wear the tuxedo , then my husband will wear the wedding gown !
Me : Really ? Is that even legal ??
Her : Yup ! There's no rule about this kind of thing right ?
Me : Oh , that's interesting ! I dun need to wear gown ? Should I ask my future husband about this ??
Her : Go ask lor !
Me : But wait a minute , I think if I do that , everyone will murder me , include my husband .
Her : Well , then that doesn't matter to me , haha I'll find a husband who is crazy about Japan too , so we both can wear Japanese wedding outfit .
Me : Hmmm well , go ahead then , haha unique idea of yours anyway .
Crazy . This best friend , I know she's crazy about Japanese stuffs , anime , Japanese language , etc .
Then she got unique ideas as always . We met in high school , when we started our second year . I was in the same class with her . First time I met her , it was nothing special , just that after we talked then we found some things in common . So then we became best friends .
13 Jun 2013
Just Back from Swimming
Went to swim with my best friend this afternoon . She called me in the morning , asking me whether I'm still having my period or finished already . Then I said that it's finished already , so then she asked me to go swimming . I asked whether she could fetch me from home or no , since my parents needed to go see hedgehog my bro wanted for his bday present . Nobody could drive me to the swimming pool . Then she said she could but I needed to tell her the way to my house , it's kinda complicated . Haha
Then after she fetch me , we went together to the public swimming pool in Dieng area . I forgot my towel . Plus my swimming suit , omg , sexy back . Anyway , her swimming suit also got sexy back . Then she said that later if got guy swimming beside us , then later he coloured the pool . Lol nosebleed sia .
Then she said again ,"Maybe the life guard will think that it's us colouring the pool , hahaha "
I also felt a bit uncomfortable with this pervert uncle , dunno why he kept following me and my best friend . Some more this best friend is crazy (yeah best friends are always crazy ) , she kept pushing me to that uncle , dunno why . Then I did the same thing to her lor
I pushed her to a fat guy there . Hahaha . She was scared . Lol , I told her , I helped her get bf , hahaha . Don't push me to that pervert uncle la , later someone out there will worry , hahaha . You know who .
Then after swimming , went to buy milk , my dad ordered me before I went swimming .
Guess I swam too long , I got flu , haha
Some more dunno why my right eye is a bit sore .
Then after she fetch me , we went together to the public swimming pool in Dieng area . I forgot my towel . Plus my swimming suit , omg , sexy back . Anyway , her swimming suit also got sexy back . Then she said that later if got guy swimming beside us , then later he coloured the pool . Lol nosebleed sia .
Then she said again ,"Maybe the life guard will think that it's us colouring the pool , hahaha "
I also felt a bit uncomfortable with this pervert uncle , dunno why he kept following me and my best friend . Some more this best friend is crazy (yeah best friends are always crazy ) , she kept pushing me to that uncle , dunno why . Then I did the same thing to her lor
I pushed her to a fat guy there . Hahaha . She was scared . Lol , I told her , I helped her get bf , hahaha . Don't push me to that pervert uncle la , later someone out there will worry , hahaha . You know who .
Then after swimming , went to buy milk , my dad ordered me before I went swimming .
Guess I swam too long , I got flu , haha
Some more dunno why my right eye is a bit sore .
12 Jun 2013
Sometimes ...
Well , one week plus no blogging ...
Been busy lately . I had to clean the house . Ya , busy physically and psychologically .
I've been thinking too much . There's a statement stating that why do we need to think about something when that thing never think about us ? But , oh well ... Guess I've been sensitive lately . I dunno also what's wrong with me . Am I getting crazy ?
I also dunno what's happening with him also . People say that guys need their own time sometimes . Not just people , magazines , and Internet also said the same thing . I'm learning how to give him time . Then everytime it's killing me , I try to focus my self again . I try to be like him , I try to numb my self , I try everything on my best . Sometimes , I think that I'm no longer interesting for him . Then he thinks that he's a bad bf . I told him already that he's the best I have ever had . What can I do to make him stop saying that he's bad bf sia . Do I have to shout to the whole world that he's the best I have ? Or do I have to keep on silence ? Or what ?
Sometimes I think do I make him mad or something ? Or do I annoy him ? Do I piss him off ? I can't read his mind . So I dunno .
I'm a girl , I don't need time to be alone .
Sometimes I think , does he really want to talk to me ? Or do I make him bored ?
He said that he can't seem to make me happy . What ?? No , if I think that he can't make me happy , I would take a quick action , I'd find other guys . But see , do I find other guys ? No . I don't even try to find one . I just want to be with him , that's all . No matter what . I'll always be faithful to him .
Maybe I'm not that kind of girl with pretty face , slender , and nice smile . But one thing I can be . I can be faithful to him . I'm also not that kind of girl , who can anyhow slap or angry because of small things . I also accept everything about him . I don't expect that kind of perfect man , rich and handsome or something , just like what every mother wishes . As long as he's kind to me , and my type , and my parents agree (normally this one depends in how I tell my parents about him ) . Then now the situation is just right , my parents agree , my bro also agree , then he's also my type . So what I want to do is maintain this relationship . My mom also said that I must try to be faithful to him . If can make him be my last and I'm his last .
Ya lor , I don't want short relationship . What's relationship ? Relationship is a process to know and understand someone well . If we keep relationship as a game or for fun , then means we're wasting time , when can we know and understand someone well ? My mom said that my age is not considered as young age anymore as a girl , means I have to start looking for a man who can be my entire life partner in future . Who can be with me for my whole life , for my entire life , who can protect me and take care of me . That's why must started from now . It's not the time to play play . I also dun wanna play play , wasting time and energy .
That's why , the way I look for bf also not like anyhow pick someone to be with me . I must be wise . I must see first . Once I found out that he's not ok , then don't date lor . But if I think he's ok , and my type , then I'll be ready to have him as my bf .
I still remember the first time I met him , I never guessed that he'll be as this important to me now . I know already that he's different from the others , first day I met him . That made me feel impressed by him . Then I started to talk more to him , to know him better . After that I started being interested in him , then had a crush on him , then now we're in relationship .
Then sometimes my mom asks me whether I'm ok with him or no . Then I said that I'm ok , we're fine . Sometimes , when there's a small problem between us , I think that we just need to relax , and try to settle the problem . We can't just run away from the problem . Coz in future , we can't run away always .
Been busy lately . I had to clean the house . Ya , busy physically and psychologically .
I've been thinking too much . There's a statement stating that why do we need to think about something when that thing never think about us ? But , oh well ... Guess I've been sensitive lately . I dunno also what's wrong with me . Am I getting crazy ?
I also dunno what's happening with him also . People say that guys need their own time sometimes . Not just people , magazines , and Internet also said the same thing . I'm learning how to give him time . Then everytime it's killing me , I try to focus my self again . I try to be like him , I try to numb my self , I try everything on my best . Sometimes , I think that I'm no longer interesting for him . Then he thinks that he's a bad bf . I told him already that he's the best I have ever had . What can I do to make him stop saying that he's bad bf sia . Do I have to shout to the whole world that he's the best I have ? Or do I have to keep on silence ? Or what ?
Sometimes I think do I make him mad or something ? Or do I annoy him ? Do I piss him off ? I can't read his mind . So I dunno .
I'm a girl , I don't need time to be alone .
Sometimes I think , does he really want to talk to me ? Or do I make him bored ?
He said that he can't seem to make me happy . What ?? No , if I think that he can't make me happy , I would take a quick action , I'd find other guys . But see , do I find other guys ? No . I don't even try to find one . I just want to be with him , that's all . No matter what . I'll always be faithful to him .
Maybe I'm not that kind of girl with pretty face , slender , and nice smile . But one thing I can be . I can be faithful to him . I'm also not that kind of girl , who can anyhow slap or angry because of small things . I also accept everything about him . I don't expect that kind of perfect man , rich and handsome or something , just like what every mother wishes . As long as he's kind to me , and my type , and my parents agree (normally this one depends in how I tell my parents about him ) . Then now the situation is just right , my parents agree , my bro also agree , then he's also my type . So what I want to do is maintain this relationship . My mom also said that I must try to be faithful to him . If can make him be my last and I'm his last .
Ya lor , I don't want short relationship . What's relationship ? Relationship is a process to know and understand someone well . If we keep relationship as a game or for fun , then means we're wasting time , when can we know and understand someone well ? My mom said that my age is not considered as young age anymore as a girl , means I have to start looking for a man who can be my entire life partner in future . Who can be with me for my whole life , for my entire life , who can protect me and take care of me . That's why must started from now . It's not the time to play play . I also dun wanna play play , wasting time and energy .
That's why , the way I look for bf also not like anyhow pick someone to be with me . I must be wise . I must see first . Once I found out that he's not ok , then don't date lor . But if I think he's ok , and my type , then I'll be ready to have him as my bf .
I still remember the first time I met him , I never guessed that he'll be as this important to me now . I know already that he's different from the others , first day I met him . That made me feel impressed by him . Then I started to talk more to him , to know him better . After that I started being interested in him , then had a crush on him , then now we're in relationship .
Then sometimes my mom asks me whether I'm ok with him or no . Then I said that I'm ok , we're fine . Sometimes , when there's a small problem between us , I think that we just need to relax , and try to settle the problem . We can't just run away from the problem . Coz in future , we can't run away always .
4 Jun 2013
What to Do ?
What will you do when you freak out about something and there's nobody around you that can comfort you everytime ? Ya , that what happened to me , this problem isn't a normal problem that I can tell to everyone . It's must be only me and one person related to me who may know about this matter .
Actually I told him already about this , but it's just that this freak out feeling never stay away from me . Hmm... Then I feel like stuck in the middle , can't do anything . I think the only one that can help me settling this matter is my self ? Since it's regarding my self as a girl . He also freaks out , hmmm but nothing much we can do ? Time will answer us .
Oh well...
You know what ? Now got new problem ... My best friend is angry to me . Oh well ... Is it because I can't meet them or what ? Ya life changes , it's always will .
It's true , I can't meet them but it's because of me being a prisoner in my own house . I came back here not in the right time . Both my grandmas sick , my bro got 6 remidial exams (oh wow ) , and my nose keep being blocked , flu , then I'm too far from him , and my parents lecture me everyday , and this freaking out feeling . Oh wow , guess my life is 'beautiful' now ?
Or maybe I'm too lazy to explain something by text messages ? Or ... Oh well never mind , guess my life has changed ?
Maybe if they were me , they would understand this feeling...
Besides
It's my fault also to cause this freak out feeling
He keeps saying that it's his fault , but actually no . It's the part of my fault also . We're together , so can't just throw all the fault to one side . We must share , it's my fault also ...
Actually I told him already about this , but it's just that this freak out feeling never stay away from me . Hmm... Then I feel like stuck in the middle , can't do anything . I think the only one that can help me settling this matter is my self ? Since it's regarding my self as a girl . He also freaks out , hmmm but nothing much we can do ? Time will answer us .
Oh well...
You know what ? Now got new problem ... My best friend is angry to me . Oh well ... Is it because I can't meet them or what ? Ya life changes , it's always will .
It's true , I can't meet them but it's because of me being a prisoner in my own house . I came back here not in the right time . Both my grandmas sick , my bro got 6 remidial exams (oh wow ) , and my nose keep being blocked , flu , then I'm too far from him , and my parents lecture me everyday , and this freaking out feeling . Oh wow , guess my life is 'beautiful' now ?
Or maybe I'm too lazy to explain something by text messages ? Or ... Oh well never mind , guess my life has changed ?
Maybe if they were me , they would understand this feeling...
Besides
It's my fault also to cause this freak out feeling
He keeps saying that it's his fault , but actually no . It's the part of my fault also . We're together , so can't just throw all the fault to one side . We must share , it's my fault also ...
1 Jun 2013
Lecture... lecture... lecture ...
Well , I dunno why sia , maybe it's her characteristic . Everyday here is lecture day . Haha , see today also got lecture . She said that I'm lazy la , wearing too revealing la (it's T-shirt and shorts , revealing meh ? What about bikini then ? Naked ?) , never care about older people la , a lots of thing ! Sometimes , I think like why what I do is always wrong for her . See , last time when I was a kid , I ate so slow and she couldn't tahan me and then she slapped me . Now , I grown up already and I eat fast , she said I eat like a starving girl , can make me fat . So what she wants sia ? She said I'm fat . Hmmm okay , I just responded her ,"Okay..."
Then it's enough la , no need to say that for every day , I also realized already that I'm fat la . What she wants ? Or she wants me to say that I'm obese ? Nothing can really please a woman maybe ? Lucky my father is not a high tempered man , he is so patience . Can tahan her .
Maybe that's why my bf said that my characteristic is changed when I'm in Malang . Well maybe this is one of the factors .
Oh no ,,, I miss him a lot . Really wanna fly back to Singapore sia . The life there is better than the life here ... I know I have my family and best friends here , but there's a thing that made me feel this way... I dunno what thing is that .
Then it's enough la , no need to say that for every day , I also realized already that I'm fat la . What she wants ? Or she wants me to say that I'm obese ? Nothing can really please a woman maybe ? Lucky my father is not a high tempered man , he is so patience . Can tahan her .
Maybe that's why my bf said that my characteristic is changed when I'm in Malang . Well maybe this is one of the factors .
Oh no ,,, I miss him a lot . Really wanna fly back to Singapore sia . The life there is better than the life here ... I know I have my family and best friends here , but there's a thing that made me feel this way... I dunno what thing is that .
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