A Small Regret

Sometimes , I regret to be born as a Chinese in Indonesia . If I could have chosen , I would have chosen to be born in China or maybe Singapore or Malaysia . At least , I could still find my identity there .
Here as Indo - Chinese . Sometimes I feel like loosing my identity . Who am I actually ? Am I Chinese ? Or am I Indonesian ? If I say that I'm Chinese , people will believe , but when they speak to me in Chinese , I'm so screwed . Then when I say that I'm Indonesian , people will be wondering , Chinese face , doesn't have Indonesian look , how come I'm Indonesian ? Then I will need to show my IC or my passport , to prove that I'm Indonesian .
Then here in Indonesia , some Indonesians , they still never accept us , Chinese people , as the part of Indonesian people . Last time I heard some Indonesian shouted at a Chinese "You better go back to your country ! Don't ever come to Indonesia ! Such a jinx "
Then I started thinking , go back to my country arh ? Where's my country ? China already thought that we're all Indonesians , not Chinese anymore . So confusing . Who am I ??

Though my family still call me with Chinese name , and my bf still consider me as a Chinese , but other than that , I feel like ... Who am I ?
I can barely speak Chinese too . I'm sure my ancestors there will be crying seeing me as a Chinese but can't speak Chinese .
It's because of idiot rules in Indonesia . Chinese is forbidden . So learning Chinese is limited in family only . Though got some school and courses teaching Chinese . But still ...
My bf also asked me learn Chinese . He can speak , he's Singaporean , and here I am . I can't speak Chinese that well . I know that there's no late for learning . But still , in my age , if I were born in China or Singapore or Malaysia , I'd be able to speak Chinese well .
Hmmm loosing identity .
Some more the culture .
No offense but most people here isn't open minded , included the Chinese . That makes me feel sick and tired .
Well
It's all about identity . It's ashamed actually , most Indo Chinese can't speak Chinese , like all over the world already notice that .