Yo , I'm back .
Wondering how's everybody's life at the moment , because my life now is quite complicated and haha tons of homework from school . Crazy , must finish my shirt project by next week . So many layers on my shirt , how to sew finish in just one week ? Tell me how ? Can't really use the sewing room few days onwards some more . I'm so screwed . Where to finish the shirt then ?
So basically , my 'what to do' list is just below here :
1. Shirt project : Sewing (10% done , yayyyy *screwed*)
2. Pants toile (0% done , yaaaayyyyyy *crazy already*)
3. Illustration and Technical Flat Drawing for fashion design class (40% done *this class carries the highest credit*)
4. Weaving the scarf for textile design class(0% done *starting to do this Friday , due date is 3 more weeks though*)
5. Music report (0% done *woot woot*)
6. Pants pattern (70% done *the highest percentage that I've done with*)
7. Gerber Accumark pattern design (20% done *cry*)
8. Illustration sketchbook and research (0% done *cry out loud*)
9. Submit my resume for internship (this one can relax one la )
See ? Now you know how screwed I am at the moment .
Oh my God ! How to finish that in just one week ? Imagine , one week !!!
I'm sure if somebody out there read this post , will get mad at me after school . Haha... ok I deserve your lecture , your Higness ... (Even though I might ended up covering your mouth again)
Now then I know that kindergarten life is way way much better than college life .
Some more I still have to work part time 16 hours per week as what my mum wished . Oh no... My life is so damn screwed man ...
18 Mar 2014
18 Feb 2014
Am I Even Wanted in This World ?
I'm not sure what's going on my self ? I want to be happy . Yet , happiness is not easy to get lately . How I wished I had never been born in the past time . I'd be happy up there . Wouldn't be facing crazy problems in the world . Wouldn't have to face my 'unbelievable' mother . Wouldn't be facing fear and danger everyday . Would just be up there , dancing with lots of angels . Would be with my Creator , who would not do horrible things to me .
I'm tired . I kept thinking about how to solve problems everyday . Another day , another casualty . Yesterday was worse . I was super duper sad . How jealous I am of those happy students in my school . They can laugh everyday , freely , happily , without family burden . I'm sure their family supports them well always . Not just financially , but psychologically . Am I even wanted in this world ? Am I an unwanted child ? That's why they all do this to me ?
Everyone seems to have such a good mother . I also want a good mother . Not a rage and complainer mother . Everything that I do is always wrong in front of her . I increase my GPA already , and yet she's not happy . Every efforts that I do , she never noticed it . She never even appreciated it , but when I do one mistake , one mistake only , she definitely noticed it . What the hell ???
What the hell ???
WHAT THE HELL ???
She thinks that I'm lazy ? She thinks that I never do anything useful ? She thinks I never tried ??
What the hell ???
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my bloody pattern ?
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my bloody sketches ?
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my sewing ??
All she can do is just making me down .
She just can noticed all my bloody mistakes , without noticing my efforts that I do to correct those mistakes .
She just can complain about all that I do . It makes me feel like not appreciated .
I hate being compared . Has she ever been compared before ? Why she always compare me ???
I never compared her to other mothers in front of her . I can if she wants . It's just that I try to respect her always .
She even challenged me to die ? Just what the hell is wrong with her ?? Am I even her daughter ? Am I adopted ? Or what ?
She asked me ,"You said that if you're stressed , you want to die ?? Huh ?? Then die lah ! Die lah !"
Now , what I do everyday is just go school and thinking of how should I kill my self ? In the most painful way , or in the most not painful way ? I always think of how to end my life . How would life be when I'm totally gone from this world ? Probably life would be more beautiful . I wouldn't have to face her anymore . I wouldn't have to live in fear everyday . I wouldn't face any danger everyday . I wouldn't have to face her threats to me anymore . Guessed she would be happy if I die . I've had enough of her already . She turned into someone that I don't even know who is she anymore . I don't need a mother like that . I prefer to be motherless if I got a choice . I know I sound bad , but it's because I can't take the burden anymore . She gave me too much burden .
I supposed to get support from her , not threats , not even a single scold .
Just let me study here peacefully . Just let me be happy . Can I be happy ??
She doesn't even care what I feel . She doesn't even care if I die . She just care about my f*cking scores and my f*cking virginity .
I have a boyfriend already , yet she hurt my feeling yesterday . She said she wants to match me to a bloody fucking IndoChinese guy . What THE F*CK ??
I would definitely say NO . Read that sh*t , NO ! I won't let my self to marry an Indonesian guy . I f*cking hate them . I won't let them have my virginity also . What they want is just virgin girl , what a f*cking shallow creatures . Go eat that virginity ! I'd make sure I kill my self first before she makes me marry them .
I'd just marry a guy that I love , no matter what , no matter my parents never agree with me . I'd just runaway from them . Or suicide .
I feel like my life is not appreciated .
People might think that my decision is stupid , just because they're not in my shoes . Try to be in my shoes , you'll know how hurting it is .
I'm tired . I kept thinking about how to solve problems everyday . Another day , another casualty . Yesterday was worse . I was super duper sad . How jealous I am of those happy students in my school . They can laugh everyday , freely , happily , without family burden . I'm sure their family supports them well always . Not just financially , but psychologically . Am I even wanted in this world ? Am I an unwanted child ? That's why they all do this to me ?
Everyone seems to have such a good mother . I also want a good mother . Not a rage and complainer mother . Everything that I do is always wrong in front of her . I increase my GPA already , and yet she's not happy . Every efforts that I do , she never noticed it . She never even appreciated it , but when I do one mistake , one mistake only , she definitely noticed it . What the hell ???
What the hell ???
WHAT THE HELL ???
She thinks that I'm lazy ? She thinks that I never do anything useful ? She thinks I never tried ??
What the hell ???
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my bloody pattern ?
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my bloody sketches ?
What about those f*cking nights that I spent at school just to finish my sewing ??
All she can do is just making me down .
She just can noticed all my bloody mistakes , without noticing my efforts that I do to correct those mistakes .
She just can complain about all that I do . It makes me feel like not appreciated .
I hate being compared . Has she ever been compared before ? Why she always compare me ???
I never compared her to other mothers in front of her . I can if she wants . It's just that I try to respect her always .
She even challenged me to die ? Just what the hell is wrong with her ?? Am I even her daughter ? Am I adopted ? Or what ?
She asked me ,"You said that if you're stressed , you want to die ?? Huh ?? Then die lah ! Die lah !"
Now , what I do everyday is just go school and thinking of how should I kill my self ? In the most painful way , or in the most not painful way ? I always think of how to end my life . How would life be when I'm totally gone from this world ? Probably life would be more beautiful . I wouldn't have to face her anymore . I wouldn't have to live in fear everyday . I wouldn't face any danger everyday . I wouldn't have to face her threats to me anymore . Guessed she would be happy if I die . I've had enough of her already . She turned into someone that I don't even know who is she anymore . I don't need a mother like that . I prefer to be motherless if I got a choice . I know I sound bad , but it's because I can't take the burden anymore . She gave me too much burden .
I supposed to get support from her , not threats , not even a single scold .
Just let me study here peacefully . Just let me be happy . Can I be happy ??
She doesn't even care what I feel . She doesn't even care if I die . She just care about my f*cking scores and my f*cking virginity .
I have a boyfriend already , yet she hurt my feeling yesterday . She said she wants to match me to a bloody fucking IndoChinese guy . What THE F*CK ??
I would definitely say NO . Read that sh*t , NO ! I won't let my self to marry an Indonesian guy . I f*cking hate them . I won't let them have my virginity also . What they want is just virgin girl , what a f*cking shallow creatures . Go eat that virginity ! I'd make sure I kill my self first before she makes me marry them .
I'd just marry a guy that I love , no matter what , no matter my parents never agree with me . I'd just runaway from them . Or suicide .
I feel like my life is not appreciated .
People might think that my decision is stupid , just because they're not in my shoes . Try to be in my shoes , you'll know how hurting it is .
9 Feb 2014
Blogging in the Middle of Class
Hi hi I'm back with the new post !
Well actually I'm having class now , just that my lecturer said that we can do research in com lab so I went here and ended up blogging .
Hahaha
Oh well , but I finished my research , so ya , can blog now !
I was doing research about applying coffee dye on fabric . It's interesting , I'd like my cardigan to smell like coffee ! It will be awesome !
Also , people discover about dyeing fabric using rose , but then it's nearly Valentine's day when the rose's price will increase like crazy . I don't understand why rose's price increases during Valentine's day ? It's not like every girl wants rose or something . Rose can decomposed , so better buy something else that can be forever or at least can be there for the next ten years ?
Talking about roses on Valentine's day , I still haven't got any Valentine's gift for my boyfriend . I remember the first time I gave Valentine's gift was to my first love and I gave him a cat doll . You know why I gave doll ? It's because it can last forever . Well I guess now he threw it away coz he got girlfriend , haha .
Okay back to the topic , how about not giving my boyfriend a doll , because his room has already gotten 3 dolls , which we call them our kids . I won't give chocolate also , because it's unable to last forever , it will be expired .
I want something unique and memorable , and meaningful .
Oh well , I guess I'll be going out somewhere later to find .
Hehe
Okay I'm back to class now !
Well actually I'm having class now , just that my lecturer said that we can do research in com lab so I went here and ended up blogging .
Hahaha
Oh well , but I finished my research , so ya , can blog now !
I was doing research about applying coffee dye on fabric . It's interesting , I'd like my cardigan to smell like coffee ! It will be awesome !
Also , people discover about dyeing fabric using rose , but then it's nearly Valentine's day when the rose's price will increase like crazy . I don't understand why rose's price increases during Valentine's day ? It's not like every girl wants rose or something . Rose can decomposed , so better buy something else that can be forever or at least can be there for the next ten years ?
Talking about roses on Valentine's day , I still haven't got any Valentine's gift for my boyfriend . I remember the first time I gave Valentine's gift was to my first love and I gave him a cat doll . You know why I gave doll ? It's because it can last forever . Well I guess now he threw it away coz he got girlfriend , haha .
Okay back to the topic , how about not giving my boyfriend a doll , because his room has already gotten 3 dolls , which we call them our kids . I won't give chocolate also , because it's unable to last forever , it will be expired .
I want something unique and memorable , and meaningful .
Oh well , I guess I'll be going out somewhere later to find .
Hehe
Okay I'm back to class now !
29 Jan 2014
Lost
Everyone (not really everyone , I mean mostly ) loves their mother . They mostly talk about their mother as an angel , a nice woman in their life . Honestly , I'm always jealous every time I heard they talk about their mom's kindness . So happy , having such a good mother .
I know every mother will have good sides . Even my boyfriend's mother is also kind and nice . Smile everyday , not strict , never whine even though she works everyday . Hmmm I feel so bad now , comparing my mum to other mothers . I know it's actually bad , bur I don't know what else to do . I feel so pressured now . A mother is supposed to give support to the daughter , not to let her daughter down , not to block her daughter's from a way to successful future . How I wish I could have an awesome mother , who is nice , kind , warm - hearted , smile everyday , high patience , humorous , and never abuse the kids .
I can tell that my mom is so strict , abusive , easy to say bad words , super damn low patience , and likes comparing me to others . Even like in the middle of me doing my bloody difficult homework which needs a high concentration , she still wanted to bother me about me being fatter (note : when everyone else in my school or even my boyfriend and they are not blind , say that I'm not fat ) . It's really bothering me . I tried to deny her , like telling her that my friends and my boyfriend said that I'm not fat , but then she said that I should not believe them , only people who never seen me for a long time will know whether I'm getting fat or not . Hmm alright then . I told her about the camera angle was not right , and she said that there's nothing to do about camera angle , fat means fat . Seriously , it distracted me from my work and made me not in the mood anymore to do my work . You know what ? If I told her that I can't argue with her about being fat right now coz I was doing my work , then I can guarantee that she would be more angry . She would say that I'm not filial , mother talks to me and I choose to ignore her . The thing is that I'll be crazy if I do what she wants , which is listen to her , then ended up argue with her . Seriously , I don't get it , how my father dated her in past time . I mean , why he wants an Abusive , Irritating , Dangerous , and Sadistic (AIDS) woman like her ? Every time I throw this question to my father , he just keeps quiet . Honestly , I think other man will not be able to handle her . Only my super Dad can . She also often says bad things to my father , said that he's stupid , or idiot , or never made a good decision for the family . I think if I said that to my future husband which is my boyfriend , he'd be super damn mad or angry , then throw me into the fridge to cool down .
I honestly don't know how to handle my mom . She's sometimes nice , but more often being scary . I can guarantee you that if you were me , you'd be ended up in mental asylum or called "Hougang Chalet" in Singapore .
Also , what she wants sometimes is not exactly what she wants . You must guess it by your self correctly .
For example , she wants me to have boyfriend , during college , so that I won't face any difficulties to get married in future , coz I'll be working in fashion industry and there will rarely be a normal man working there , mostly are gays . No offence but it's true !
Then now , when I have boyfriend , she keeps nagging me this and that . She said that I should have got boyfriend when I graduated from college and go to work . What ? She wants a gay son in law , doesn't she ?
She is always paranoid about me having sex with my boyfriend . She said that virginity is important , I can't loose it till I'm married . Hmm okay , I'm sorry about this , my mom is so conservative . Not me though , I'm so damn open . To me , having sex is not a 'wow' thing anymore , everyone did , even though they're not in relationship sometimes . I don't mean to say that I do the same thing like them . I'm me . I'll just have sex whenever I'm ready . If I'm ready and my partner is ready then I'll do , if not , then I won't ever do . Simple as that . Even though one day I'm married , if I'm not ready for sex then I will not do (but most slightly will do !!! Aww yeah !!!) .
No sex also doesn't mean I'm dead or something , I have my right hand , left hand , just put it below and satisfy my self . Done ! Sex toys are everywhere nowadays also .
I tried to convince her that I am still a virgin like what she wants . The thing is that she barely can trust me . She's always scared I had sex before . To be honest , no , I still respect her , just do it after married , cause for now , I'm not ready for it .
So ya , back to the topic . Any suggestion on what should I do now ?
I know every mother will have good sides . Even my boyfriend's mother is also kind and nice . Smile everyday , not strict , never whine even though she works everyday . Hmmm I feel so bad now , comparing my mum to other mothers . I know it's actually bad , bur I don't know what else to do . I feel so pressured now . A mother is supposed to give support to the daughter , not to let her daughter down , not to block her daughter's from a way to successful future . How I wish I could have an awesome mother , who is nice , kind , warm - hearted , smile everyday , high patience , humorous , and never abuse the kids .
I can tell that my mom is so strict , abusive , easy to say bad words , super damn low patience , and likes comparing me to others . Even like in the middle of me doing my bloody difficult homework which needs a high concentration , she still wanted to bother me about me being fatter (note : when everyone else in my school or even my boyfriend and they are not blind , say that I'm not fat ) . It's really bothering me . I tried to deny her , like telling her that my friends and my boyfriend said that I'm not fat , but then she said that I should not believe them , only people who never seen me for a long time will know whether I'm getting fat or not . Hmm alright then . I told her about the camera angle was not right , and she said that there's nothing to do about camera angle , fat means fat . Seriously , it distracted me from my work and made me not in the mood anymore to do my work . You know what ? If I told her that I can't argue with her about being fat right now coz I was doing my work , then I can guarantee that she would be more angry . She would say that I'm not filial , mother talks to me and I choose to ignore her . The thing is that I'll be crazy if I do what she wants , which is listen to her , then ended up argue with her . Seriously , I don't get it , how my father dated her in past time . I mean , why he wants an Abusive , Irritating , Dangerous , and Sadistic (AIDS) woman like her ? Every time I throw this question to my father , he just keeps quiet . Honestly , I think other man will not be able to handle her . Only my super Dad can . She also often says bad things to my father , said that he's stupid , or idiot , or never made a good decision for the family . I think if I said that to my future husband which is my boyfriend , he'd be super damn mad or angry , then throw me into the fridge to cool down .
I honestly don't know how to handle my mom . She's sometimes nice , but more often being scary . I can guarantee you that if you were me , you'd be ended up in mental asylum or called "Hougang Chalet" in Singapore .
Also , what she wants sometimes is not exactly what she wants . You must guess it by your self correctly .
For example , she wants me to have boyfriend , during college , so that I won't face any difficulties to get married in future , coz I'll be working in fashion industry and there will rarely be a normal man working there , mostly are gays . No offence but it's true !
Then now , when I have boyfriend , she keeps nagging me this and that . She said that I should have got boyfriend when I graduated from college and go to work . What ? She wants a gay son in law , doesn't she ?
She is always paranoid about me having sex with my boyfriend . She said that virginity is important , I can't loose it till I'm married . Hmm okay , I'm sorry about this , my mom is so conservative . Not me though , I'm so damn open . To me , having sex is not a 'wow' thing anymore , everyone did , even though they're not in relationship sometimes . I don't mean to say that I do the same thing like them . I'm me . I'll just have sex whenever I'm ready . If I'm ready and my partner is ready then I'll do , if not , then I won't ever do . Simple as that . Even though one day I'm married , if I'm not ready for sex then I will not do (but most slightly will do !!! Aww yeah !!!) .
No sex also doesn't mean I'm dead or something , I have my right hand , left hand , just put it below and satisfy my self . Done ! Sex toys are everywhere nowadays also .
I tried to convince her that I am still a virgin like what she wants . The thing is that she barely can trust me . She's always scared I had sex before . To be honest , no , I still respect her , just do it after married , cause for now , I'm not ready for it .
So ya , back to the topic . Any suggestion on what should I do now ?
6 Dec 2013
What I Want to Say ...
Already tired to argue
Already tired to talk back
Because I guess you're always right
And everything goes according to reasonable and unreasonable
Which has driven me crazy
Love is mad and non logic
It's not science which got reasons
Coz love doesn't need reasons
Love doesn't need comparison also ...
So why compare me to other girls ?
I'm not other girls
I'm different
I'm me
I may be much younger than you . But I'm a girl
Of course I understand about love
Because my experience about love is already a lot . I'm not a kid that always play play only
No
Girls are supposed to be matured faster than guys
I already planned about my future while guys my age are thinking about playing
Maybe I don't understand about working .
But I already planned one
I'm willful
Because I have my own thinking
And I want to be my self
You said I got princess illness
It's not princess illness
But all girls want to be treated like princess
You may say that all girls are not like that
But oh well , good luck to everyone who's searching for that rare type of girls nowadays
You may say your friend's girlfriend are not like that
But ... Tsk tsk , don't judge a fruit by its skin
They won't share their private arguments with each other
I know about girls , coz I'm a girl ...
And I got a lots of girl friends from all over the world
So I know well how girls behave nowadays ...
I might be giving attitude at some times
But...
I'm not that type of girl who will force the boyfriend to own a Ferrari or to own a villa , or country club or whatever it is
I'm not that type of girl who likes sleeping around with guys
I'm not that type of girl who cheats when I already got boyfriend , once I like you then only you , I expect nobody else . But that's what caused me wasting time for 4 years...
I'm not that type of girl who smoke
I'm not that type of girl who slaps you easily for small problems
And most of all , I love you with all my life
And you can never find girl who loves you more than I love you ...
26 Nov 2013
Will I ?
It's two days before I'm going back to Malang . I dunno whether I should be happy or sad . Mostly I will be sad I guess , coz it's like I'm loosing all my freedom all of this . What to do ? Nobody can help me as well . I must help my self . It's life , actually we're all living individually . Help your self . I feel like sometimes , going back to my hometown is like sentenced to death . I'm just scared of all the 'bound' . I also dunno whether next year I'll still be able to go back to Singapore , if my mum knowing about my results . Or maybe she's in bad mood and I'm totally fucked up . Is it the end of everything or what ? Some more he's still got time to be angry with me after fished me with something . I also dunno whether I can get the thing one day or not . Will I still be like right now or I'm ... Ah I dunno . Guess my life is like a puppet show life . I'm the puppet and my life is 100% under control of my controller , who is ya you know that . Maybe nobody will understand my feeling . I also can't describe it . Probably I should just keep it my self . I can only share this on my blog coz it's just like my online diary , I'm too lazy to write . Sometimes , I feel like having an imaginary friend , who is so nice to me and totally understands my feeling . Then I can share everything to her . So bad right ? Already 19 but I still sometimes wishing for imaginary friend . Just like a kid . Never mind , this blog also is kinda like my imaginary friend . Thanks for being here for me everytime I'm sad .
I also dunno why , what I did , life just wants to screw me . Especially her , not imaginary friends . She's real , and she got a lots of rules and always wants to control me . She's always so suspicious when I have a lover . Why she's like that ? Can I be happy ? At least giving me one month of no tears or something ? Sometimes I feel like my life is 'counted' . Because of this thing . I dunno . I'm lost . I'm trapped . I'm screwed . I'm hopeless . I'm ... tired . Can somebody help me ?
I'm not living in the past . Please don't force me to live in the past . I'm not living in communism century , yet I feel like living in that century .
And then , about the special thing . Maybe you should keep it your self . Probably also I can't get it . You'll never know what will happen next . Probably I'm lost . It's not that because I don't love you . But it's because , my life is under control . I can't own 100% of my life . She can anyhow forbid me do this and do that . I also can't do anything . You also can't do anything . I feel like I'm so weak and maybe I'm also not the best . I'm always sad . Because my real happiness is locked somewhere by her . So , ya , I can't get my real happiness . Maybe wait till I'm 50 then I can be totally free .
I'm so fucked up .
I also dunno why , what I did , life just wants to screw me . Especially her , not imaginary friends . She's real , and she got a lots of rules and always wants to control me . She's always so suspicious when I have a lover . Why she's like that ? Can I be happy ? At least giving me one month of no tears or something ? Sometimes I feel like my life is 'counted' . Because of this thing . I dunno . I'm lost . I'm trapped . I'm screwed . I'm hopeless . I'm ... tired . Can somebody help me ?
I'm not living in the past . Please don't force me to live in the past . I'm not living in communism century , yet I feel like living in that century .
And then , about the special thing . Maybe you should keep it your self . Probably also I can't get it . You'll never know what will happen next . Probably I'm lost . It's not that because I don't love you . But it's because , my life is under control . I can't own 100% of my life . She can anyhow forbid me do this and do that . I also can't do anything . You also can't do anything . I feel like I'm so weak and maybe I'm also not the best . I'm always sad . Because my real happiness is locked somewhere by her . So , ya , I can't get my real happiness . Maybe wait till I'm 50 then I can be totally free .
I'm so fucked up .
15 Nov 2013
Asessment is Finally Over
Finally , the assessment is over ! Woot ! Woot !
Nothing to do now... hahaha
I feel jobless . Everyday wake up very late , around 12.00 PM plus , then go eat lunch , after that go stroll somewhere... haha
Anyway ... I dunno what's wrong . I dunno whether it's me who is getting more emotional coz my period is near or maybe because I'm going to be... (oh no please not this one !!) , or maybe he changed , or just ... ahh fuck it !
It's just annoying when you need to stroll around alone like a forever alone and nothing to do when in fact you got bf . Especially when he said that he'll get home at around 9 PM then ended up went home at 11 PM . Now I understand how it feels like when a wife waiting for the husband coming back from the office late . It's just way so annoying .
I already stressed because of my family problem , and school problem also , they f*ck me together at the same time . Feel like threesome like that . Then after that he also ... ahhh... I dunno .
YOLO . So ya , it's true , you only live once . I want to enjoy this life only . Today more YOLO sia . The number on the traffic light for crossing the road showing only 5 secs left for crossing the road and I just started to cross the road . Yolo...
Oh well , that's life , it will keep fucking you no matter what . You will be happy , but just temporary , just for a while . After that it will ruin you again , dunno how .
His blog is full of emo posts . After this , my blog will also be full of emo posts . Holy...
I need someone to talk to , who will listen to me , hug me when I'm sad , give me support , appreciate me no matter what , and not blaming me or lecturing me or what . Sometimes , I feel like having an imaginary friend , that will be there for me no matter what and when and how . Sounds so selfish right ? Ya it does . If not maybe I'll end up being in IMH or just die somewhere . I bring so much burden already . Sometimes I wonder , till when I can take this burden everywhere ? Will I die young ? Or ... I dunno...
I don't need people to give me critics . I already had a lots of critics . I dunno why . I already tried so hard till almost die like that , and still no appreciate ? He keeps saying that I must see when I go work , people will start to give me much more critics . Ha... Like that , I dunno lah . Maybe will just die in the work place . Crazy world . Wrong place . Wrong education . Wrong job . Wrong boss . Wrong partner . Wrong people . Wrong society . Everything is wrong .
You know what ? Actually all people in this world are crazy . Including me . They won't call you crazy if you have the same mindset with them ? But if you do , then no , you're not called crazy . Don't you think so ?
Anyway , never mind . Life happens .
Nothing to do now... hahaha
I feel jobless . Everyday wake up very late , around 12.00 PM plus , then go eat lunch , after that go stroll somewhere... haha
Anyway ... I dunno what's wrong . I dunno whether it's me who is getting more emotional coz my period is near or maybe because I'm going to be... (oh no please not this one !!) , or maybe he changed , or just ... ahh fuck it !
It's just annoying when you need to stroll around alone like a forever alone and nothing to do when in fact you got bf . Especially when he said that he'll get home at around 9 PM then ended up went home at 11 PM . Now I understand how it feels like when a wife waiting for the husband coming back from the office late . It's just way so annoying .
I already stressed because of my family problem , and school problem also , they f*ck me together at the same time . Feel like threesome like that . Then after that he also ... ahhh... I dunno .
YOLO . So ya , it's true , you only live once . I want to enjoy this life only . Today more YOLO sia . The number on the traffic light for crossing the road showing only 5 secs left for crossing the road and I just started to cross the road . Yolo...
Oh well , that's life , it will keep fucking you no matter what . You will be happy , but just temporary , just for a while . After that it will ruin you again , dunno how .
His blog is full of emo posts . After this , my blog will also be full of emo posts . Holy...
I need someone to talk to , who will listen to me , hug me when I'm sad , give me support , appreciate me no matter what , and not blaming me or lecturing me or what . Sometimes , I feel like having an imaginary friend , that will be there for me no matter what and when and how . Sounds so selfish right ? Ya it does . If not maybe I'll end up being in IMH or just die somewhere . I bring so much burden already . Sometimes I wonder , till when I can take this burden everywhere ? Will I die young ? Or ... I dunno...
I don't need people to give me critics . I already had a lots of critics . I dunno why . I already tried so hard till almost die like that , and still no appreciate ? He keeps saying that I must see when I go work , people will start to give me much more critics . Ha... Like that , I dunno lah . Maybe will just die in the work place . Crazy world . Wrong place . Wrong education . Wrong job . Wrong boss . Wrong partner . Wrong people . Wrong society . Everything is wrong .
You know what ? Actually all people in this world are crazy . Including me . They won't call you crazy if you have the same mindset with them ? But if you do , then no , you're not called crazy . Don't you think so ?
Anyway , never mind . Life happens .
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